Date: Mon, 01 Oct 2001 05:59:02 GMT From: Thor Shenkel Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: Re: TAN: Book Five, George RR Martin Shaun Baldwin wrote: > Ahhh....2002; if things fall into place, could be one great fuckin' > year. > > Or one big horror of disappointments. Well now, if you are going to look into the future, sci-fi boy, you can't do it with no future-scope because it don't exist. It's just a figment of the debased, ungodly sci-fi mind. Sci-fi is just another name for fantasy, and fantasy is when you are alone in bed thinking unholy thought and touching parts of you that should never be touched--except Biblically, by your consecrated wife (not that you'd ever get a wife, nerd boy)--so we all know that fantasy and sci-fi will lead you straight to the Adversary, or at least you *would* know that if you spend more time in church and less time reading those depraved, heathen pulp novels. But I digress. My point is that if you are going to look into the future, you can't use no sci-fi gizmo. You have to use the God-given, traditional way that has served Mankind for thousands of years. I always say, if numerology was good enough for Pythagoras, it's good enough for me! So let's take a look at 2002 using traditional numerology. Now, the first number is 2. Two is a lucky number, because good things come in twos--for example, hooters. So 2 is very good, because you get to start the year out with a pair of hooters. Looking at the middle, we get "00". Now what does that look like to you? That's right--hooters! Real BIG hooters that take up the whole middle of the year! And at the end you get another "2"--two more hooters! Bonanza! A six-hooter year. That's more hooters than a sci-fi boy will ever see in his entire life, even if you count Heinlein cover art. So what does a year of six hooters mean to a guy like me, a guy who not only has seen and held real hooters, but who also knows how to treat them--unlike you, you Satanic fantasy boy, who would probably wind up poking your eye out. Even a talented real man like myself can only successfully maintain and operate three hooters at a time. This means that in a six-hooter year, there will be three hooters sitting idle. Technically, I could call in a buddy, but that's dangerous, as you could accidentally see or touch your buddy while getting down with the hooters, and then you'd have to worry about guarding your rear entrance, which means you couldn't properly enjoy the hooter abundance. No, the only path for a real man to take is to do as the Bible says and take each pair of hooters in their season as a blessing. As it says in Genesis 49:25 "...and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts..." I say, Alleluia! When the Lord gives you a warm, soft blessing in the spring, and a full, pendulous blessing through the summer, and a firm, pert blessing in the fall, then maybe it's time to question your evil, sinful Fantasy and embrace the bouncing bounty of Reality that the Lord will grant us all next year, Amen! --A Real, Righteous _MAN_!!!