From jeff@spundreams.net.nospam Mon Apr 30 12:10:17 2001 Date: Sun, 29 Apr 2001 21:09:45 -0500 From: Jeff Huo Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: Re: TAN: Pictures, Socials and the Humor Archive In article , bwillick@NOmediaSPAMone.net says... > On Sun, 29 Apr 2001 02:55:40 -0500, Jeff Huo said... > > In article , > > princessmoo@accesstoledo.com says... > > > > The Ann Arbor Social will be Friday, July 20th through Sunday, July > > > 22nd. A reminder will be posted in late May, and again in early June. > > > If you're interested in attending, drop me a note. Anne will need to > > > know how many of us will be taking over her place! > > > > Key point: This Social is on as long as Anne can still do it -- > > Well, I can't imagine anything that would prevent me from inviting a > bunch of Darkfriends into my 'appy 'ome. .... From: Anne Willick Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: TAN: Cancelling the Ann Arbor Social Date: Sun, 12 Jun 2001 06:21:03 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 24.131.92.22 I hate to do this to everyone, but I'm afraid that I can no longer host the Darkfriends for the Art Fair after Detroit Edison accidentally uncovered the Crystal of Pygothar the Obscenely Plaid while drilling a trench for a new power-line and the released meta-morphic rays converted five hundred thirty attendees of a Team Building exercise at a nearby local Holiday Inn into incredibly studly, bronzed, scantily clad Bronze Age warriors straight out of a Boris Vallejo diorama who then sacked Dearborn in an orgy of lust and destruction and raised over the ruins of Fairlane mall a forty-story tall Summoning Pylon forged of volcanic basalt raised from the Earth's core by sheer will and inscribed with ancient glyphs and bas-relief depictions of human living sacrifice and Ancient Elder Darks and then tastefully trimed with Sears Weathermaster vinyl siding to bring Skippy the Right-Ass-Cheek of Pestilence into our dimension, except that Bride-Consort-Second-Class Gladys forgot during the incantation that "Zxyenc-svzknu" has a umlat over it and as a result the entire metropolitan Detroit area was scouraged for nine and twenty-two hours with a solid hail from the sky of fire, lightening, brimstone and small yapping Shar-Pei dogs, dispersed only when, in fullfillment of ancient prophecy, the awesome Cosmic power of the Towel-Rack of Zukanda was channeled through the living soul of former WDIV anchorperson Mort Crim, but as his body was consumed by the Holy Cleansing Fire he laid a great curse upon Earth, Heaven, Hell and the fucking dickweed that invented the Talking Bass that caused petunias to sprout up all over every lawn within three hundred miles, followed subsequently by the same area being ripped bodily from the Earth and inserted into a polar orbit around the third major gas giant of Delta Pavonis, except for the town of Chelsea which got dumped into the middle of the Battle of Hastings and Troy north of 16 Mile Road, which was turned into apricot pudding. I am very sorry to disappoint everyone, but hope that you all understand. I am also sorry it has taken so long to reply, but Zaphod reassures me he'll get Marvin to look at why the newsreader is going all futzy when we reach Milliways. -- Anne ...... > Wait a minute. > > > whether I can make it or not will have no bearing on said Social. > > Did we mention the duct tape? This reminds me of one of my personal favorite posts, which sadly has never made it into any humor archive: ----- NARRATOR: What would you say, if I told you that in a few weeks, two gorgeous members of the opposite sex are going to drive up to your apartment for a weekend making vague promises of bondage, seduction, forbidden pleasure and temptation? LARA BEATON: WooHoo! MARK LOY: WooHoo! JOHN ROWAT: WooHoo! LAURA PARKINSON: WooHoo! DREW GILLMORE: WooHoo! THOR: WooHoo! JIM HILL: WooHoo! MIKE HOYE: WooHoo! JEFF HUO: Couldn't we just go canoeing? ----- I think the fume hood isn't keeping the formaldehyde fumes away from me well enough. -Jeff -- Jeff Huo | jeff@spundreams.net.nospam (remove nospam) U. Michigan Med | http://www.spundreams.net/~jeff New to the group? Welcome! Please read http://www.landfield.com/faqs/sf/robert-jordan-faq/ http://www.spundreams.net/~jeff/rasfwrjians2.html