From mlk@alumni.cs.wisc.edu Mon Apr 30 12:04:20 2001
Date: 11 Apr 2001 20:09:44 GMT
From: Michael Kozlowski <mlk@alumni.cs.wisc.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan
Subject: Re: TAN: Fuck Dubya

In article <8ic9dtcaoh6de674t0ogf9ljmf9if50ous@4ax.com>,
Julianna Avedon  <SOteric2@sendnospam.msn.com> wrote:

>See... now....I never tend to meet men who cook...

Obviously, you've never tasted my specialty:  Frozen pizza heated in the
oven.  It's to die for.

Oh, I hear what you're thinking:  "That's not cooking!" you exclaim.  
"That doesn't take any skill at all!" you exclaim further.  "Any moron
could do that," you mumble, having worn out your throat with all that
exclaiming earlier.

To this, I offer the counter-example of my college roommate, whose method
for cooking frozen pizza defied rational belief and explanation.  I offer
his recipe here:

Step 1:  Place pizza upside down on counter.  Make X-shaped slits in
plastic covering and peel back.  Remove cardboard disc.  Lift
(upside-down) pizza off plastic wrap and place (right-side up) on
cardboard disc.  Pick up any of the toppings that may have fallen off due
to upside-down removal from packaging, and replace them on the pizza.  
Ignore confused inquiry from roommate about possible alternative of not
opening pizza upside-down.

Step 2:  Cook according to directions until not done.  Ignore suggestion
from roommate that "cooked" might be preferable to "thawed" in this
instance.

Step 3:  Turn off oven.  Pull oven rack out (using hot pads).  Using two
ladles, grasp pizza by edges and somehow miraculously carry it over to the
counter and set it on the cardboard disc.  Ignore the mocking comments of
roommate for next three years.

Step 4:  Get sick from eating undercooked pizza.

-- 
Michael Kozlowski
mlk@alumni.cs.wisc.edu