From e98jgu@panter-5.efd.lth.se Thu Feb 03 07:02:52 2000 Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: Re: Why is Matt not in The Path of Daggers? From: e98jgu@panter-5.efd.lth.se (Johan Gustafsson) Date: 3 Feb 2000 12:02:52 GMT In article , "Tom Hale" preached to the perverted: [snip reasons A, B and C, explaining why Mat wasn't in PoD] Well, actually, it's none of the options you presented. Here's the truth behind Mat's abscense... "It's Watch and Find Out, live from Chicago!" "Tonight on Watch and Find Out: Famous author has an announcement! The tragic story of a man killed by his AOL account! And the shocking footage of Jerry Falwell as you've never seen him before! In the studio, the Willy Bank's orchestra! And your host: Booooooob Parkinson!" "Good evening. I'm Bob Parkinson, and you're watching Watch and Find Out. Tonight: Reverend Falwell caught with his pants down in a chicken farm! Amazing footage and exclusive material in the greatest scandal since Lewinsky! Also, AOL sued for 15 billion $ by the family of a man tragically killed while using the AOL newsreader. More on that later. Lets bring out our first guest: Best-selling author Robert Jordan!" "Thank you, Bob. It's great to be here." "No, no. Thank _you_ for coming. We all know you have a busy schedule as the ninth book in your best-selling Wheel of Time series is almost finished, but I'm sure your fans won't mind waiting a day or so more, right?" " Yes, I'm sure they won't mind." "So, Robert, tell us a bit about the Wheel of Time." "Well, Bob, it's an epic fantasy, mirroring our world in the past as well as in the future. Those who can use magic, or channel, are known as Aes Sedai. A great catastrophe made channeling safe for women only, while men who can channel will go mad. Because of that, the genders have different roles than in our time. The story starts with three young farmboys who are taken from their homes by an Aes Sedai and are chased by the Dark One's evil hordes. While escaping, they stumble across an ancient city, contaminated with evil, where they get separated. Rand and Mat flee on a boat, unaware of the fact that Mat carries an evil dagger. Perrin and Rand's fiancee Egwene cross the river and end up running with a strange man who can talk to wolves." "Okay. So this is where we pick up?" "No. That's just halfway through book one." "...Right. I think we can assume the readers are familiar with the story. Let's move on, shall we?" "All right." " Robert has joined us here today to make an announcement concerning Mat, one of the most popular characters in the series. Go ahead." "I had originally planned for Mat to meet up with his future wife in book eight. But I decided to edit out those chapters so I could have more room for Morgase and Sevanna, who may not be as popular as Mat, but I'm sure are as least as fun to read about. Instead, I discarded the entire story- line regarding Mat for a new, different approach. I'm going to let my readers decide what will happen to Mat." "There you have it. A brilliant approach that will bring literature into the interactive era. Please call in suggestions on our number, which you should see at the screen right now. Robert Jordan will decide Mat's fate on live television. Stay tuned." "Welcome back to Watch and Find Out. I'm Bob Parkinson. We've recieved our first caller, Liz, from Milwaukee." "Hi, Bob. I just wanted to say I'm a great fan of yours." "Thanks, Liz. Now, please tell us your suggestion." "I think Mat should travel to Seanchan and be their king and marry the Daughter of the Nine Moons and join Rand in the Last Battle." "Hmmm. A rather popular suggestion. What do you say, Robert." "I had something similar in mind myself, Bob." "Okay, next caller, Jerry from Los Angeles." "Hey, Robert. I love your books. I have a great idea for Mat. I think, like, he should have his own show. You know, like walking around and having adventures, like Xena and Hercules. And he could have really cool fights with trollocs and whitecloaks. And you could call it, like, "The Adventures of Mat Cauthon". That'd be really cool." "Well, that's an interesting take... Robert? What are you doing?" "Taking notes. This is good stuff." "Oh. Well, thanks, Jerry. Our next caller is... Bill! From Phoenix?" "Yeah. I think you should kill him off. I never liked him anyway. He was just a lazy bastard who tried to chicken out whenever there was trouble. Just leave him under that wall. Serves him good, I say." "Eh... I doubt that will happen. Right, Robert?" "Are you kidding? Killing a major character? I can't do that!" "Next is Margaret from Portland. What do you think will happen to Mat?" "I hope he will meet the Daughter of the Nine Moons. It will be a romantic night in Ebou Dar, and Mat will see the most beautiful girl in the world, and he would fall madly in love. And under a moonlit sky he will steal a kiss, but she will take one back. And they embrace, in a sweet loving union. She will take of his tattered green coat and he will kiss her neck as he slowly, slowly move his hands to her shoulders, pulling her dress downwards, kissing her soft, satin-like skin all the way down. His hands will caress her breasts, trembling like swallows. He moves them down to her round buttocks as she whispers 'Yes.' And she rips off his shirt and then they lie down together, uncertain of where it will lead, but loving every step of the way." "...Well, thank you very much, Margaret. Robert? Robert!?" "Eh! What!? Oh, sorry. Very... descriptive, Margaret." "Thanks, guys. Bye." "Well, we have another call. Who is this?" "Harriet." "Oh, shit! Now I'm in trouble!" " Hey, what's this, Robert? What do you want, Harriet?" "Look here, James, don't you for a moment think that you're going to take the easy way out of this one! Now, get back here and finish the story as it should be!" "But Harriet, I..." "Don't you 'But Harriet' me! You know as well as I do that Mat needs a strong woman to put him in his place. You whined about Faile too and tried to let the Shaido kill her. Good thing I noticed that. Now stop this foolishness and get your ass back home right now!" "...okay..." "Well, I guess that's the end of Robert Jordan's attempt of an interactive plotline. After the break: Jerry Falwell in the buff!" END Johan Gustafsson -- "They're evil! Pure evil! Not your everyday standard evil, like the band Styx or Adam Sandler, but full- bore- 100%- steaming- chunk- 'o- evil- in- the- microwave- that- will- turn- your- parents- into- whiffs- of- smoke- while- Sean- Connery- looks- on- type evil." - Scott Hamilton on Teletubbies