Subject: Re: Tan: Chicago
From: Ben Ryan <mobius@core.binghamton.edu>
Organization: Binghamton University
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan

On Sat, 18 Sep 1999, Kenneth G. Cavness wrote:

> What _do_ they teach these people in Business School, anyway?

	I'm not sure, but they seem to be skipping the bit on how to
operate office tools. I'm working here in the one computer facility
closest to the School of Management again, and the stapler I've mentioned
a few times in the past has again become a source of confusion and ennui
for the struggling business majors here. Imagine, if you will, the scene:

        The Academic A pod. 12:30 PM. The stapler, broken, despite my
numerous requests for a new one. A large sign taped to it, with a picture
of a STOP sign, and the words (in bold print and underlined) THE STAPLER
DOES NOT WORK!!! (end underline) AT THIS TIME WE DO NOT HAVE A REPLACEMENT
OR PAPERCLIPS. It details where other staplers may be found.
        A woman, with a freshly printed document. Multiple pages. She
walks up, and without hesitation attempts to use the stapler.

        <shunk>

        She brushes the sign a little more to one side. Obviously, it was
getting in the way.

        <shunk>

        "It's broken." She ignores me.

        <shunk>

        A confused look. All is not right. The stapler is not dispensing
nicely folded staples to lock the pages together! It is in fact not
dispensing anything at all! It only continues to operate as if everything
were fine, but with no results!

        <shunk>

        <shunk>

        <shunk>

        "Is this stapler not working?"

        "That's what the sign says." She looks BEHIND HER for this
mysterious "sign" I refer to. Nothing. She is more confused. SUDDENLY,
inspiration dawns! She looks at the sign, now resting OVER HER RIGHT
WRIST.
        "Oh! Do you have another one I could borrow?"


	This *just* happened again. Guy walks up, and - peering around the
stapler with the BIG FUCKING SIGN ON IT - asks if we have a stapler. 

	I point, and say, "That's it. It's -"

	"Oh, okay." <shuffles paper in preparation for use>

	" -broken."

	<shunk>

	"It's broken."

	More shuffling. <shunk>

	"It's *broken*."

	<shunk>

	"It's BROKEN."

	"Is this empty?"


        All my worldy possessions for a shotgun and an alibi.


-- 
Ben Ryan            		   http://www.core.binghamton.edu/~mobius
"Accuracy is, in every case, advantageous to beauty, and just reasoning to
delicate sentiment. In vain would we exalt the one while depreciating the
other." -David Hume