From: mloy@iupui.edu (Mark Loy) Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: Re: [TAN] Olympic coverage and the USA Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2002 10:28:32 -0500 Organization: Indiana University - Purdue University Indianapolis,IN In article , Mike Kozlowski wrote: > In article , Jim Hill wrote: > >I'd be cool with that. ESPN's a vastly superior sports broadcasting > >network than any of the Big Four. > > I dunno, I'd be amused to see the Fox telecast of the Olympics. If they > could have Madden and Summerall (yeah, I know he's retired, but c'mon, > this is the Olympics) commentating on figure skating, I'd tune in. "Okay, that was quite breathtaking, wouldn't you agree?" "Yeah, it was. See now look at, look at the replay, here...this...this is where he throws the girl and WHAP! she comes down on one skate and then she, she sorta heads for the sidelines with her, with her back all arched and and the guy has to speed up and gets around her and hugs her back into the action." "And now the marks...oooh, those aren't as good as I would have expected." <5.7, 5.6, 5.5, 5.7, 5.7, 5.3...> "Yeah, Sargeeinko and Smirnov got better, better marks for just gettin' a drink of water. Jones and uh...Smith uh, they got to be pretty upset by this. I mean look at that one Russian judge, he gave 'em a 5, a 5 point three, for cryin' out loud. I mean c'mon, look uh look at the replay and I'll and I'll circle what I'm talkin' about. See that there thing he did with his hands and when she spun around like some kinda whirlin' dirbish thing and and...what the heck is a whirlin' dirbish, anyway?" "I don't know, John. But you're point being..." "Well yeah, my point. See she's a spinnin' and then WHAP! she's flyin' and she uh, she hits the ice with her skates and like doesn't slip or anything. I couldn't do that. Could you do that? I couldn't do that. That's all-Madden stuff there. WHAP, WHAP...slide, spin. Kinda reminds me of Lawrence Taylor." "Really? How so?" "It's like, it's like when he played for the Giants and he used to spin and head for the quarterback and WHAP! he'd hit 'em so hard that they'd...they'd forget what day it was and would often...often come beggin' me for a turkey leg or somethin'. I get that alot, though." "I'll bet. So next is another Russian pair, Stolichnya and Rockmaninov. Their costumes certainly are rather impressive." "Well yeah. Those Russians sure know about sequens and make-up, that's for sure. The girl must have like...like four pounds of lip gloss on and the guy...he's uh...he's wearing...is that guy wearin' rouge? Can't be rouge. What kinda guy wears rouge? Hell, I'm not even sure how to spell rouge, anyway." "They're about to start their long routine. Any thoughts before they begin?" "Well yeah I uh...I think that the uh the pair that skates the most without fallin' or even flinchin' 'll win. I mean, they don't even let 'em flinch. It's like once they get...get in position they got to stay that way until the snap. But then there's no snap in this so I'm a...I'm not sure what they use to get their cue to begin." "The music has started. They've chosen "The Hall of the Mountain King". Should be rather impressive, don't you agree, John?" "The uh...the Hall of the Mountain King. Issat like a opera? I don't like opera much. I can't wait for the fat lady to sing so I can go get on the bus. And now...now they're tippy toein' around. Oh now...now he's gonna, he's gonna throw her. WHAP! she landed okay. That uh...that was pretty neat. I can't do that. Can you do that? Who can do this stuff?" "Now they're gettin' ready for their finale." "Yeah well they're Russian so they'll probably get all tens or somethin." "Six is the highest you can get." "That's the thing. The pair that gets the most sixes'll probably win. But to me...to me if you strive for a six all you'll get is a six. I always wanted my Raiders to give me 110% which...let me get my calculator out...okay, six times...uh divided by...er, uh...it'd be something like 14, I'd want 'em to go for...something like that." "14 isn't 110% of six, John." "Well yeah, maybe not. But I'd just smack 'em on the ass and tell 'em to tear some guy's head off is all I meant. And that's what these coaches don't seem to do here. Well that uh...that Tanya Harding girl did. She took a club and went WHAP! right across that Kerrigan girl's knee. I don't agree with that. I don't think there's any place in figure skating for sticks. But see that's why I got out of coaching." "Okay, they're done. Excellent program but, I just don't think it was better than Smith and Jones. We'll have to wait for the marks. Here they are. Well, this seems to be the trend." <5.9, 5.9, 5.8, 5.9, 5.8, 5.7, 5.9...> "This this...this stuff is why I feel that they should have instant replay in figure skating." "This is very disheartening for the young Canadians." "I don't think that Canadian kid wore enough make-up." "You may be right, John. Program note...be sure and watch this Sunday when John Madden hosts his All-Madden Team, the Olympic Version during the ten-thousand meter cross-country skiing event. It should be a somethin' to see." "That that...cross country skiin' thing is something. But not very scary. I could do that. Could you do that? I could do that. But not Downhill. No way. Those guys go like, like...a hundred miles an hour without any make-up whatsoever. Now that's...that's all-Madden. WHAP, WIZZ, WHAP, WIZZ...they like go flyin' down the hill. Say, do yo think that's where they got the name down hill?" "Undoubtedly." "Good name. I bet those guys train by stickin' their heads out the window of uh...of a bus or something goin' 90 mph with the bugs goin' WHAP! across their foreheads and stuff. Now that's a sport." "Indeed it is. Now we're ready for the Americans, Goober and Gander from Witchita, Kansas. They're certainly looking quite dapper." "Yeah, yeah...that Goober, he's got like two inches of pasty white make-up on his nose, alone so I'm thinkin' he'll do pretty good. And it uh...it looks like they chose "Flight of the Bumble Bee"...that's somethin'. Can you play that? I can't play that. Who can play that? But why didn't they go with something from Vivaldi or maybe the Rollin' Stones? Brown Sugar'd be pretty good. They could toss the girl up and have her go WHAP! when Mick's big lips go WHAP! together." "Good call, John. Well, they're about to begin." "This girl's pretty, too. Not real big, though. What she go...like 105, 106? Kinda reminds me of Fred Billitni...Billetnicouff...Belitnicov. How do you spell that guys name? Sounds Russian to me. Slap about four pounds of make-up on 'im and he could catch that girl. Had great hands." "That he did. Well, before they begin, let's go to commercial." "He coulda been a Russian for all I knew. Hardly ever saw him with make-up, though so I'm doubtin' it." ML