Date: 28 Sep 2001 01:38:20 GMT From: Michael Hoye Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: Re: TAN: "Enterprise" In article , The Great Gray Skwid wrote: >We leaned closer as Michael Hoye whispered: > >> No omnipotents, no empaths on board, that's all I ask. > >Well, Vulcans are contact telepaths (duh), and Q is certainly not out of >the question, considering it's never been clear just how bound by time >they are. > >But I know what you're saying, and I agree. (After an astonishingly bad decision to follow a Gudebaite vessel after an antique Wayoldian cupholder, the Enterprise finds itself in the neutral zone surrounded by a dozen Romulan Warbirds, all of whom look good to go. On the Enterprise bridge, as the ranking Romulan captain appears on the screen, things are tense.) Romulan Captain: "Lower your shields and surrender or you will be destroyed!" Picard, to crew: "I want options! Counsellor?" Troi: "I'm sensing hostility, Captain!" Picard: "Fuck, really? Wow. Christ you're useless. Number One?" Riker: "I don't like it, sir. It could be a trick." Picard: "?" Data: "The odds are not in our favor, sir." Picard rubs temples. Worf: "I think we should load photon torpedoes and fire!" Picard: "Great. Thanks. Anyone else?" Wesley: "Captain, I" Picard: "Shut the fuck up, Wesley." Wesley: "But" Picard: "That's an order." Wesley: "I" Picard: "Lieutenant Worf, beat him up." Worf: "Immediately, sir." Worf beats Wesley. Romulan Captain: "If it's Ok with the guys, I'll be happy to hold this whole blowing your ship up thing off until you're done beating down that kid." Picard: "That'd be great, thanks. Anyone else?" Geordi: "Sir, if we wrap Wesley in a lot of tin foil laced with convenium particles and launch him out of the back of the cargo bay, we should be able to distract the Romulans long enough to Engage Warp Drives At Maximum To Escape!" Picard: "What? That works how?" Geordi: "The Romulans have all seen the first two seasons, sir. If we tell them we're goin one way and pipsqueak here is going the other way, who are they going to shoot at?" Picard: "Dude. That's brilliant. That's fucking brilliant. What's the tin foil and whatever that particle was all about, then?" Geordi: "It should make him easier to hit, sir." Picard: "God, I love you. Make it so." Troi: "But captain, you" Picard: "Shut up, counsellor." Troi: "can't" Picard: "Worf, You know what to do. Number one, inform Geordi that he'll need twice as much foil as he thought." -- Mike Hoye