From: Drew Gillmore Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: Relationship Application (was: More on Verin) Date: Tue, 09 Mar 1999 18:23:58 GMT ************************************************ Drew Gillmore‚s Application for a Relationship ************************************************ Thank you for choosing me as a potential mate/lover/date. I have many things to offer, and I work hard to make others happy. Before we can go out on a first date, please take the time to answer the following questions. If you do not feel any of the responses fit you, feel free to add and appropriate points will be given. 1) Are you female? __Yes 100pts __No -100pts 2) What is your name? __Jennifer or a derivative there-of. -400pts __Mark Loy 400pts __other 1pt 3) What level of school have you completed? __Doctorate. 10pts __Master 5pts __College 1pt __College, but my degree is in Psychology -1pt __High School 0pt __*giggle* What‚s College? -5pts __Junior High, and then I went on to get my career in table dancing started. -10pts 4) In an argument, I: __Try to understand both sides of the situation. 10pts __Don‚t argue, Master. 0pts __cry in order to get my way. -10pts __Change the subject often and at random intervals. -5pts __Do my best to stay objective. 2pts 5) Name your three favorite football players, the team they play for and the position they play: (15 pts) 6) I wear make-up: __To try and make myself look decent enough to be seen in public. -10pts __Every once and a while if I‚m going out for a special occasion. 0pts __Rarely. Who needs make-up? 5pts __For fun and games, expecially at night. -2pts 7) In bed I tend to be: __Ready to go to sleep. 0pts __Ready to try anything. 5pts __Spontaneous. 5pts __Moody. -1pt __Curled up in a ball in the corner crying. -10pts 8) I am basically a __Shy person -5pts __Outgoing person 5pts __Independent person 5pts __Needy person -5pts 9) My family and I __Don‚t speak. -1pt __Get together occasionally to talk. We‚re friends. 1pt __Spend every weekend together playing games! -1pt __Have a very good relationship, overall. 1pt 10) My ex-significant other and I __Don‚t speak 2pts __Get together occasionally to talk. We‚re friends. 0pt __Spend every weekend together playing games! -5pts __Have a very good relationship, overall 0pt 11) If something is bothering me, I __Complain about everything but what‚s bothering me. -10pts __Try to understand why it bothers me so I can do something about it 5pts __am not really bothered by much. 10pts __Articulate it right away. 3pts __Will say „nothing‰ and then be cool and distant. -5pts 12) If my SO and I are out, and a female friend asks him to dance, I __Hope they have a good time dancing. I know who he‚s going home with. 5pts __Stare flaming darts at the two of them and then don‚t talk to him for three days. -10pts __Pretend like it doesn‚t bother me, but then bring it up in every argument we have. -15pts __Join them on the dance floor. 10pts __Try to make him jealous by flirting and hanging on the nearest guy. -15pts 13) If there is a problem, I usually respond by __Calling my boyfriend. 0pts __Crying. -5pts __Being a damsel in distress. -1pts __Eating chocolate. 0pts __Calling my boyfriend at work and crying at him -10pts __Doing what I can to fix it for now and worry about the rest later 3pts __Solving the problem. 5pts __Hysteria, and then more hysteria every time I retell the story. -10pts 14) I like life __In general. 5pts __When I‚m learning something new. 5pts __When it‚s full of intrigue and gossip. -10pts __To be simple. 2pts __Not one little bit. -5pts 15) I __Suck but don‚t swallow. 5pts __Suck and swallow. 10pts __Don‚t like oral sex. -5pts __Like to give it in a moving vehicle. 10pts 16) I judge a guy‚s character by: __How much he can bench press. -5pts __How big his „package‰ is. -5pts __How intelligent he is. -5pts __Getting to know him. 5pts 17) I fall in love: __Easily and often. -5pts __Over time as I get to know a person. 5pts __Rarely 0pts __But don‚t lose common sense when it happens. 5pts 18) I read: __Romance Novels only. -5pts __Lots of things. 5pts __Occasionally in the doctors office. 0pts __Fashion magazines. -2pts __My daily horoscope 0pts 19) About the Internet: I __Only get online to chat -4pts __Use the Internet occasionally 0pts __Am completely lost on the „information superhighway onramp‰. -3pts __Am well acquainted with it. 2pts __Hate it with a passion -10pts 20) I want to date you because __Well, I don‚t really, but I have nothing better to do. -10pts __You‚re such a cute guy! 0pts __I think we have a lot in common and I‚d like to get to know you. 5pts __My Sexy Brunette Bisexual Roommate and I think you‚re hot. 100pts __My friends and I drew straws. I lost. -10pts Finally, write a hundred word essay on one of the following topics. You will not be graded on grammar, but do try to utilize capitalization and punctuation. Making up your own topic is acceptable. 1) What Monica Lewinski has done for the feminist movement. 2) Why I like to drink. 3) Why Rap and Country should do crossover songs. Thank you for your cooperation. As soon as your score is tallied and compared to the curve, we will begin our first date. Your behavior on that date can and will be considered along with your score in order to decide whether further dates are warranted. Any sex and/or kissing have no bearing on whether or not future dates happen. Drew Gillmore -- http://www.leisureforce.com/silverandgold/ drew@leisureforce.com