From jeff@spundreams.net.nospam Fri Oct 06 21:31:50 2000 Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: TAN: Postcards from the Lab From: Jeff Huo Date: Fri, 6 Oct 2000 21:31:50 -0500 WHEN MEDICAL SCIENTISTS LOSE THEIR GRIP ... Episode 1: (A paraphrase of an actual discussion a group of us had with another MD/PhD at a medical meeting the other day. I swear I'm not making this up.) HIM: "...So after that argument and to settle it, we went outside, we got some wheat-grass from the lawn, we took the wheat-grass into our lab, we ground it up, we dissolved it in DMSO and other appropriate solvents, sonicated it, filter- sterilized it, then applied it to a culture of macrophages harboring HIV." (whips out a flow-cytometry data sheet and apoptosis assay readout) "And you can -clearly- see that the mixture inhibited viral replication!" MY FRIEND:. "Um, most of those cells look dead." HIM: "Right! The grass mixture killed most of the macrophages! But wouldn't you know, the viral replication count went down! Still, says I, we need controls. We should have tested alfalfa, and wheat, and bluegrass, separately!" I have absolutely no bloody idea what inspired my colleague from elsewhere to do this. As I understand, it was to settle some kind of bet. .... Episode 2: (Paraphrased from an explanatory e-mail circulated through the medical center departments. I swear I'm not making this up.) "As part of the lab move, flamable chemicals were moved temporarily to a previously unused fume hood in a unused lab. Unfortunately, what was believed to be a under-the-hood cabinet flamable storage area was actually in fact a drying oven, and the knob subsequently set to 'High' was not ventilation, but heat. The situation was not improved by the Beckman repair technician who first noted the fire, and in response left a written note in the next door lab to the effect that the hood was on fire. For some reason, this repair tech did not feel the need to actually tell anyone in person. Fortunately, two graduate students -did- respond to the fire with appropriate measures..." ... Episode 3: (As our lab sloshes through an inch of raw sewage in the hallways surrounding our lab on Sub-basement C of Medical Science Research Building II) "Anyway, there are four alarms on the master sewage pumps. The first turns on the backup pumps. The second turns on the emergency pumps. The third summons an alarm in the control room, and the fourth sounds a general alram." "So what went wrong?" "Well, see, the electrician doesn't do emergencies off-shift..." ... Episode 4: "So anyway, the senior fellow gets a 50 ml conical tube. Weighs out about twenty grams of reagent on the balance. Adds 50 ml 20 Mega-Ohm distilled water, and vortexes the stuff up. Then he opens the lid and drinks the whole lot. We're staring at him like, what the frick?" "Sodium Bicarb," he says. "Heartburn." "I was just scared 'cause I knew he was under a ton of stress recently and for a half a moment I thought he had weighed out the sodium cyanide..." ... Episode 5: From an actual e-mail annoucement to the medical student class from the local medical fraternity, Phi Rho Sigma: ---- Dissapointed you didn't make the Olympic team in Sydney, once again? Have talent in an obscure "sport" that is not "recognized" by the Olympic Committee? Positive drug test disqualification got you down? Do you like Jello? Come this Friday September 29th to Phi Rho Sigma's annual Jello Shot Party Jell-O-lympics Compete in such events as: -Swallowing -- this is NOT a team sport. -Tag team drunken Keg Pumping. -Synchronized Booty Shaking. -(Note to Dental Students: Window Diving has been removed as an event this year) As usual there will be 2000+ Jello shots, beer, soft drinks(2L), dancing, snacks, sex, and Wilson. ... Hope all of you are well, -Jeff -- Jeff Huo | jeff@spundreams.net.nospam (remove nospam) U. Michigan Med | http://www.spundreams.net/~jeff New to the group? Welcome! Please read http://www.landfield.com/faqs/sf/robert-jordan-faq/ http://www.spundreams.net/~jeff/rasfwrjians2.html