Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2000 23:47:31 -0500 From: Jeff Huo Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: Re: Winter's Heart Release In article , kor2@midway.uchicago.edu says... > Or maybe they just wanted to give DKS extra time to come up with some > super cover art. > TOR HEADQUARTERS LATE SEPTEMBER, 2000 ... DARRYL SWEET: "Ta-da!" DS: "So...what do you all think?" DS: "Um...guys...hello?" DS: "Hey, I know I'm good, but I've never gotten a reaction like this one before...I mean, Tom had to have a dozen security guys drag you both off of me after I presented the LoC cover...and I was in traction for a month after the CoS cover...but you guys have never just stared at me like you are now...well...maybe you guys like?" ROBERT JORDAN: "Patrick?" PATRICK NIELSEN-HAYDEN: "Yeah?" JORDAN: "I have a gun in my car." TOM DOHERTY: "Um, guys...." PATRICK: "I say we skip the gun and kick his ass right now." TOM: "Guys?" PATRICK: "I'll hold him down, you go medieval with the easel." JORDAN: "I like." TOM: "Guys, you can't _do_ that...." JORDAN: "Better, we take this pathetic luser for an artist's Prismacolors and shove them so far up his ass he shits in Pantone for the next twenty years." PATRICK: "I like better." TOM: "Gentlemen?" PATRICK: "Better yet, we beat this fucker bloody, toss him in your trunk, drag him back to your place and throw him into a pit of rabid, wild dogs." JORDAN: "I don't own any wild dogs." PATRICK: "That is why they invented the AmEx Corporate Card." TOM: "Guys, as much as we may be disappointed with Darryl's work, I'm going to have to draw a line---" JORDAN: "I've got it. We rip his balls off with Tom's letter opener, douse the open wound with rubbing alchohol, drag his screaming carcass to the City Aquarium and toss him bleeding into the barracuda tank." TOM: "--and I will not let you guys hurt an employee under my contract under my roof!" JORDAN: "And just why the fuck not, Tom? We held up publication of Winter's Heart for two months and paid this waste- of-human-flesh several tens of thousands of dollars to produce a cover artwork, and he comes up with this...this...I'm at a loss for the technical term here..." PATRICK: "Shit." JORDAN: "Right. Thanks. Marc Chagall produced more coherent work...." PATRICK: "While on Crack." JORDAN: "Did you even _read_ the fricking book, Darryl? You did? Then where the hell did you get this from? I don't remember reading anything about any of the Two Rivers girls doing _anything_ obscene with livestock..." PATRICK: "And what about Nynaeve's breasts? She'd have some difficulty crossing her arms under those monsterously large hooters...hell, she'd have difficulting seeing her own feet with those knockers--" JORDAN: "You got some issues you wanted to tell us about, Darryl?" PATRICK: "---and only Lara has three of them." JORDAN: "Who?" PATRICK: "Never mind --" JORDAN: "You even fucking spelled my name wrong." DS: "Hey, everyone makes mistakes..." JORDAN: "Oh yeah? Since when was my name spelled 'Piers Anthony?'" PATRICK: "And the Ewoks _have_ to go." JORDAN: "And Mat looks absolutely disgusting in that silk teddy." PATRICK: "And who the frick is that doing the nasty with Perrin?" DS: "Uh...Rahvin?" PATRICK AND JORDAN: "Wrong answer." JORDAN: "So what makes you even _think_, Tom, we shouldn't kill this cretinous spawn right where he stands?" TOM: "I just got this office reupholstered." PATRICK: "Oh." JORDAN: "I've got Scotchgard in the car." TOM: "Does it work on leather?" JORDAN: "Yeah." TOM: "I got rubbing alchohol in my private bathroom." .... TOM DOHERTY ASSOCIATES, LLC FOR IMMEDIATE PUBLIC RELEASE OCTOBER 1ST, 2000 Tor is proud to announce that, after unforseen delays, Robert Jordan's _Winter's_Heart_ will be released in two weeks time...breaking with previous tradition, the next volume will be pubished with blank white covers. "It's a blinding snowstorm, for cripes, sake!" the author was quoted as saying. .... Would it be asking too much for a different cover artist? -Jeff -- Jeff Huo | jeff@starfall.com.nospam (remove nospam) U. Michigan Med | http://www.starfall.com/~jeff New to the group? Welcome! Please read http://www.landfield.com/faqs/sf/robert-jordan-faq/ http://www.starfall.com/~jeff/rasfwrjians2.html