From: mloy@iupui.edu (Mark Loy) Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: Re: Peace on Earth - U2- Superbowl Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 15:22:50 -0500 In article , Mike Kozlowski wrote: > In article , > Mark Loy wrote: > > >But listen, once you're Pontifficating, could you reinstate that policy > >the church used to have about selling favors or trinkets or relics or > >whatever the fuck they were called that would sorta give you a Get Out of > >Hell Free Card with each purchase? > > The Church may have discontinued the practice, but I'd like to make it > publicly known that my own excess holiness is available for purchase or > lease on affordable terms. > > Many customers enjoy our HeavenCare Plus plan -- $29 a month protects you > from up to ten venial sins, with a full post-lifetime guarantee. But for > you, I recommend Complete Sin Protection (or, as we jocularly refer to it, > our "Hellfire and Brimstone" plan). It may seem expensive at $499 a > month, but it gives you unlimited protection from venial and mortal sins > (though we do require 24 hours for full absolution from mortal sins, so if > you're going to engage in a potentially deadly sin, be sure to give us > advance notice so we can transfer our holiness to your account in advance) > -- and really, isn't your soul worth the best? God Damned right, it is! Wow. This is great. I can finally relax. And at only...*only* $499/month! What a bargain and a major burden lifted, all in one fell swoop!! Once I manage to purchase some full coverage thermonuclear war insurance, why then I'll really feel like I can put my feet up without worry 'bout the future. Oh and, I'm also in the market for some reasonably priced meteorite impact insurance and some all-inclusive supervolcano coverage. But fuck if I'm not shittin' myself with glee. Thanks, Mike...you, sir, are an afterlife saver! ML