From: mloy@iupui.edu (Mark Loy) Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: Re: Pointless poll Date: Thu, 17 Oct 2002 10:04:06 -0500 In article , jsn@cegt201.bradley.edu wrote: > In article , Mark Loy wrote: > > >> Here's my odd confession -- I was wondering what would happen that > >> would pull this out of me -- I mainly read to look for Novak's logic > >> and wit. I admire the way he writes and the way he thinks. > > > And he's cuter than a calico kitty-cat all snuggled up in a big-assed pile > > of baby chickies, too. > > Don't make me kick your ass, Loy. Pffffttt...as if. I'm tougher than a toenail dryin' in the noon-day sun. I'm cat quick and twice as fluffy. Why, I've got moves that'd make a bowel segment weep with jealousy. I'd hit you so hard by the time you woke up the WoT'd be finished. I whale on your scrawny engineerin' ass so long yo momma'd call you "Orka"--well, not really as she'd probably still call you "johnny-wanny" or some such cutesy mothery nickname but that's alright cause...hey, she's your mom, dude. Where was I? Oh yeah... I'd bitch slap you so bad you'd sprout dog teats. I'd pummel you to within a unit of measurment of your life so small as to make an electron microscope say, "Fuck that, shit." I'd beat you like I'm watchin' _Exit to Eden_ at two in the morning with my robe thrown recklessly open and a container of "I can't believe it's not butter" at the ready. Why, I'm so strong that people often use me to open things that they can't open, like jars and shit, and I do it, too...most of the time...and when I can't, I usually loosen the fucker a tad so that the next person who does it can open it...but do they ever thank me or acknowledge what I did? No! The ungrateful fucks. And don't give me that shit that I was too fuckin' weak to open the mayonnaise and my daughter was able to do it without strainin'. The god damned thing was welded with mayonnaise residue, I tell you. That's the same shit they use on the space shuttle to hold the heat tiles on for reentry. That's the same shit William Shatner uses to keep his toupe on with. That's some really tough fuckin' stuff and nobody...I mean *nobody'd* been able to loosen that jar. Oh sure, Jen opened it without grittin' even one of her teeth--even the ones she really doesn't like all that much--but I'm tellin' you that was a fuckin' fluke! Why I'd take Jennifer on any day of the week and twice during Monday Night Football. But not if the Vikings are playing. You don't think I take my own daughter?! Pfffftttt...as if. I'm tougher than a toenail dryin' in the noon-day sun. I'm cat quick and twice as fluffy. Why, I've got moves that'd...that...that'd...er, uh. Let's just say I'm one bad fucker. Just ask Deb. ML