From: Mike Kozlowski Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: Re: Peace on Earth - U2- Superbowl Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 18:07:57 +0000 (UTC) Organization: Millennium Hand and Shrimp In article , Mark Loy wrote: >But listen, once you're Pontifficating, could you reinstate that policy >the church used to have about selling favors or trinkets or relics or >whatever the fuck they were called that would sorta give you a Get Out of >Hell Free Card with each purchase? The Church may have discontinued the practice, but I'd like to make it publicly known that my own excess holiness is available for purchase or lease on affordable terms. For as little as $19.99 a month, I can provide protection from damnation for a full range of wickedness, from the occasional impure thought to genocide. Our consultants can tailor a plan to fit your particular needs. Many customers enjoy our HeavenCare Plus plan -- $29 a month protects you from up to ten venial sins, with a full post-lifetime guarantee. But for you, I recommend Complete Sin Protection (or, as we jocularly refer to it, our "Hellfire and Brimstone" plan). It may seem expensive at $499 a month, but it gives you unlimited protection from venial and mortal sins (though we do require 24 hours for full absolution from mortal sins, so if you're going to engage in a potentially deadly sin, be sure to give us advance notice so we can transfer our holiness to your account in advance) -- and really, isn't your soul worth the best? -- Mike Kozlowski http://www.klio.org/mlk/